|Life I love :)|
I wasn't sure whether to write this post. After all, emotions can be volatile, we feel overwhelmed or angry or sad but it passes and perhaps best to keep that private.
But then I thought, hey it would be good to look back and realise I was all wrong and everything turned up to be just fine. I thought, it might be a small thing for many people but had a huge impact on me, so maybe it will be good to write indeed.
The full of hate aftermath of the EU Referendum makes me worried and anxious in a way I have never felt before. Right now, everything is "most likely", "probably". Uncertain. I should be used to it being self-employed. It feels different though.
Queuing for a coffee next to a couple chatting away about the joy of leaving EU and stopping "foreign invasion" I quietly hope my parents don't chose that moment to call me so I don't have to speak Polish. This thought alone makes me think, what the hell am I doing here. Makes me want to leave the queue and go home and sit in a field with my dog, watch horses graze peacefully with no people around me.
At first, I wanted to keep up with the news and stay informed but I feel more and more worried the more I read.
I can somewhat understand the reasons of both sides for voting for their respective visions of the future but the after effect leaves me cold.
All this hatred spilling on the streets, on social media, in newspapers.
Someone vandalises Polish Community Centre in London on Sunday morning. Then this happens - Anti-Polish cards in Cambridgeshire after Referendum. I wake up to posters like "Fit in or Fuck Off" and "Stop immigration start repatriation" on my Facebook wall.
I've lived in this country for over thirteen years. It's a long time with many friendships, love and lifetime events. There were times when it seemed difficult to be foreign but I tend to just get on with things, enjoy the company of people who matter and keep doing what I'm driven to do.
This feels different. Intense and hard to rationalise, understand, ignore. As I read in disbelief more and more comments about non-white British people being "racially" assaulted and told to leave, I know the problems are not superficial. For someone brought up with Grandparents who lived through horrors of two wars, I find the situation worrying.
I hope it passes. I hope the country I've loved living in and where so many things have seemed possible is back. I hope that British people, regardless how they voted, heal that hatred within the nation. I hope it will be enough to have people around me who share my values.
Legally, from what I read, it will be "most likely" possible for settled EU nationals to remain in England. Lack of information is stressful.
But what's more worrying right now is what kind of life will this be.
I hope...I will look back at this post in several months time and laugh at my worries.