Sunday, 20 December 2015

Day 352 - 354: A page from the past and a page from current life

A page from the past...

Marks & Spencer in Winchester does the best evening food sale. I know this because when you arrive back from a year away sacrificing everything to ride the life out of your breeches, you have £18 to last you a month, nowhere to live, your clients have moved on and your debts eat on your conscious, you simply know those things. 
I am waiting for Pip to pick me up and I keep everything crossed she can make it because if she doesn't I won't get to run my clinic which is supposed to pay for some sort of a room for a few weeks. The room I have not yet found mind you, because of course in this day and age you need a month and a half deposit and I have less than twenty pounds to last for discounted Marks and Spencer's sandwiches. 

As I wait I am vaguely aware of craziness of this situation and it makes me laugh how some think that any kind of success (maybe except of a lottery win but is that a success?) comes easily. All I have really is this idea of what I want to re-build. 

Your brain is always sharper when you're hungry. I don't know for sure (could Google I suppose but will let it be) but maybe there is some sort of specialisation of species that alerts our senses in a moment of struggle. Pip turns up. The clinic goes very well, we get back and I have a few more lessons to do in a nearby town. Everybody loves them which is lucky for me because it means food and a room for a month. Few weeks to plan the next step. 
Teaching full - time again feels good, I realise that even though I loved every moment of my intensive training, riding for myself doesn't float my boat. I find no real fulfilment nor purpose in working solely as a rider. 
Re-building the Academy is stressful, it's scary and yet I don't want to do anything else. I have so many doubts it feels like there is no space left for any other thought. But I truly learnt a real meaning of a few good lessons while away. If you want to do something nobody else did or is preparing to do, you must do what you and others are scared of. 
You must trust yourself or nobody else will. You must be patient and persistent. And you must have people around you who you can count on. 

So I keep scaring myself and keep going and with help from a couple of my friends, several weeks later I sign a contract for a room on the high street and do a damn massive, non-discounted M&S shop and eat myself silly. 

The above is a fragment of the first draft of my book. I am not in a rush to publish anything but I do keep at it a little bit at a time.
I share this little part today because the contrast in between then and now strikes me. There are times when we make choices hoping things will work out but we have no real means of knowing so.
There are times when it seems so easy to give up and do something "secure".

Fast forward to now, I am most grateful for the people I get to teach and work with each day. They make this whole project come to life and nothing would be the same without them. If I had to do the last 2 years again to end up where I am now, I would do it in all in a heart beat.

[I would just have to make sure the Winchester M&S still does their ridiculously amazing evening food sales ;) ]


Overwhelmingly generous Christmas gift from my riders. Look forward to making the most of it next year! :) 


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