Tuesday, 24 August 2010

I suppose it's time to...

Good first or bad first?
Let's start with the bad so it's over and done with. It will be here as a separate post as I will probably delete it some time soon.
I've been delaying the update because all I wanted to write seemed unnecessarily negative and ungratefully moaney. It still is in fact. I resent it because it's just damn arrogant to complain whilst having a roof above my head, enough money for food on the table (well, most of the time anyway) and a job I love.
The truth is, I haven't been well for over a month now, if not longer, and as much as my mind and soul want to do it all, my body just can't cope :(
Some of you may remember my post from some time ago when I listed all the possible options to consider regarding a plan for the future, for riding and for the Academy project. I thought I could do it all. But I can't.

Right now, I work and work and work. There is nothing I do right now that could class as something for myself. I resent the thought as selfish but we all need this little bit of reward for all the hard work, don't we?
No matter how much you love your work and how much job satisfaction you get from it, we all need something outside of it to complete it all.

Until now, I thought the job satisfaction would do me just fine. That I don't need anything especially for myself to be happy.
Sadly I was wrong. I wish I was this altruistic person who needs no fun for herself. How much easier would that be!

There is this massive puzzle piece missing and now I know what it is: it's the riding, the purposeful riding. The lack of it makes me feel down. In the same time, although I hate to say it, I lost a lot of my enthusiasm and hope that things can change much in this department.

As much as lack of riding sends me down, my passion for the job lifts my mood up. It's one of those things when you have to chose in between two equally important aspects of life.

Either way, I suppose it's time to temporarily suspend my updates. You wouldn't want to read a monotonous list of complaints I am bound to write if I allow myself to do so.

I've taken some days off next month as my health is firmly telling me I am ruining it. Days off I can't really afford. I hope they will be of some benefit to my body as they certainly won't be to my mind.

Kingsley boy wasn't great yesterday either. I keep telling my naive self to stop getting excited every time he walks less pottery. I've been there before with Fetas and it's not worth the emotional roller-coaster. And yet, every time he seems a bit better there is new sense of hope. Only to be crashed by a melancholic state of his the next day and a shuffly, trippy walk stride. The vet is coming on Saturday morning to review him. Hopeful part of me counts on good news.

One step at a time. Sometimes it feels like going through a desert - you want to go fast as the iron hot sand burns your skin but the rule still stands - one step at a time.

Ok, enough of this overly honest moaning. It always astounds me that you can get so low in life in some areas of it and yet be on a total high in others.

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