Monday, 20 April 2015

Day 110: Maybe I won't come back, maybe I'll just stay there

- Maybe I won't come back - she says, her blue eyes a watercolour, like when you learn to paint and you add too much water in.
How does she know that. Why would she said that.

She said it before. So many  times. But she sits here, not quite smiling but not quite gravely either.

- Of course you will be back, it's just a simple operation, you won't even need an anaesthesia.
- Granddad had it easy - she muses - got up, washed, shaved, had breakfast and then, bang, just like that.
What do I say to that. Sure. Yes, he did. Easy.
- You will be good, you've got to fight it through, you've fought harder things!
- Hmmm
- I'll be back in the summer. See you in the summer?

And as I hug her small figure, kiss her wafer thin cheek and as she gives me her watercolour, once watchful, now slightly distracted stare, I don't know that she is right, that she won't be returning from hospital and that summer meeting?...There will be no such thing.

Just like that you can have last conversation and no idea you did. Just like that, someone can leave and take a part of you with them.

R.I.P. Granny G. (20/04/2015)


“Let us hurry to love people they depart so quickly” Jan Twardowski

Let us love people now they leave us so fast
The shoes remain empty and the phone rings on
What's unimportant drags on like a cow
The meaningful sudden takes us by surprise
The silence that follows so normal it's
Hideous like chastity born most simply from despair
When we think of someone who's been taken from us.

Don't be sure you have time for there's no assurance
As all good fortune security deadens the senses
It comes simultaneously like pathos and humour
Like two passions not as strong as one
They leave fast grow silent like a thrush in July
Like a sound somewhat clumsy or a polite bow
To truly see they close their eyes
Though to be born is more of risk than to die
We love still too little and always too late.

Don't write of it too often but write once and for all
And you'll become like dolphin both gentle and strong.

Let us love people now they leave us so fast
And the ones who don't leave won't always return
And you never know while speaking of love
If the first one is last or the last one first.

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